November 1, 2007

Socrates in Sodom

School board president should resign

by CHIP MOSHER

NOTES FROM a school board meeting:

The usual prayer opens the meeting: God, grant these board members wisdom. (Poor God! What a daunting task!)

What's this? At the bell, Trustee Shirley Barber comes out fighting. She makes a motion to pull an agenda item. No one seconds the motion. Barber gets body-slammed instantly. Gonna be an interesting night.

Two PTA members speak out against the upcoming bond issue. Promises made to them during the last bond issue weren't kept. Interesting. (Note: Get their phone numbers before they leave.)

Whew. That was strange. A disturbed woman grabbed and pulled one of the two women away from me as I was getting their phone numbers in the lobby. The strange woman told the women not to talk to me and shouted that I was an evil person who writes "about farm animals fucking!" Which isn't exactly true. Rather, I've occasionally written about people having sex with farm animals -- a perfect metaphor for the behavior of dysfunctional administrators. After the agitated woman shouted this, the two ladies turned to me, color drained from their faces. All I could think to say (jokingly) to them was: "Apparently I was writing about this (odd) woman's family history." (Note: Write column about seemingly neurasthenic woman. Find out her name.)

I wonder if the Red Sox are winning tonight's game.

Trustee Larry Mason asks how many held-back 16-year-old students go to middle schools with our 12- and 13-year-olds. A school district spokesman evasively says he doesn't have those statistics. The implication is: TOO MANY. Was it Maine where a school board voted to give birth control pills to 11-year-olds? (Note: Buy some stock in Trojan condoms before our board members find out the actual number of 16-year-olds attending Vegas middle schools with 12-year-olds.)

Here's Barber again, pissed. She's ranting at a school board lawyer. Barber alleges something about secret (illegal?) meetings. The female lawyer is rattled. What's this? Here comes Barber's arch-nemesis, School Board President Ruth Johnson, to the rescue. She accuses Barber of open-meeting violations. Johnson attacks Barber for attacking the lawyer. Barber threatens to give the attorney general the above allegations. These two go at each other like teenage gang members. The pitch rises. Johnson is losing control, like she did last December. She seems emotionally disturbed.

Is it a full moon tonight? (Yes!)

Whew. The hoopla has subsided. Public agenda time. Johnson calls out for those who've signed up to speak. No response. The public speakers must've departed. We're five hours into the meeting. Wait. Child advocate Rose Moore stands to speak. Johnson angrily tells her she cannot talk because she didn't sign up properly. (Is Johnson transferring her emotional disturbance from the Barber brouhaha onto this elderly woman?) Moore says she did sign up, and starts talking. Is that Johnson hollering at the sound technician to shut down the microphone? Moore asks for a board member to recognize her to speak. Barber recognizes her. Johnson swiftly calls a recess. The board members, though not Barber, quickly exit the room. Puzzled, Moore returns to her seat.

What's this? Police officers suddenly burst in. They tell Moore she must leave. People sitting nearby protest she's done no wrong. The officers seize Moore, dragging her against her will from her seat. She starts screaming, apparently in pain. Jesus, what's happening here? Her friend shouts that Moore has a bad heart. Moore is moved toward to the lobby. The friend shouts Moore needs nitroglycerin. (Remember the similarly manhandled woman who died at a Phoenix airport?)

During this fracas, the board members return. Johnson seems unaware of the gravity of what just transpired. She says they've decided to let Moore talk. Oops. After a 10-minute hiatus, a battered, wobbly Moore approaches the microphone. Before finishing, she turns to walk away. And collapses. Johnson is oblivious to this. I shout to her that she'd better call paramedics. A deer-in-the-headlights stupor grips Johnson's face. I repeat: Paramedics! Eventually Moore is carted away in an ambulance. One witness says a paramedic said Moore could be having a heart attack.

Ruth Johnson made several horrible decisions that could have cost this woman her life. In her position, Johnson has become a danger and menace to society. Therefore, she should resign from the board immediately.

I think God stayed home to watch the World Series tonight.

Chip Mosher is a simple classroom teacher.